Once Upon a Mystery
by silver-nightstorm
Summary: Mr. Gold has been robbed, so Sheriff Swan calls the best detectives she knows to catch the crooks – Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. AU, on both parts.


Loosely based on the events in episode 12 of Once Upon a Time – Skin Deep. Of course, this is a total AU. People can go in and out of the town at will and there is no fairy tale basis for this, just life. Harry Potter-wise, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy were friends and never mixed up with the Death Eaters. They're still wizards, but they've decided to work as detectives in the Muggle world.

For: A SUPERNATURAL Quote Competition, The Chinese Moon Festival – The Friendship Slice, The 2012 Hogwarts Games, The School Books Competition, & The Pairing Diversity Challenge

Prompts: "Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?", the moon, one friend helping out the other at some point, friendship, 1000-2000 words, Ancient Runes (mystery), antiques

**Once Upon a Mystery**

**By silver-nightstorm**

**Word: 1813**

**Summary:** Mr. Gold has been robbed, so Sheriff Swan calls the best detectives she knows to catch the crooks – Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.

**XX**

"So, we'll be like Sherlock and Watson."

Lucius snorted. "Don't be silly. We'll be much better than those two."

"But you really mean it? You really want to be a detective? And with _me_?"

Looking on the younger boy, Lucius couldn't help but smile. Severus Snape never did believe in himself. "You know me better than anyone, Sev. I wouldn't say something that I didn't mean. Plus, with our magic, those Muggle crooks won't know what's coming."

XX

Five years later, on a chilly Monday morning, they were still at it. Lucius was nearing thirty now, although he hated to admit it. At the age of twenty-nine, he still carried himself with the air of a man much younger. Severus, of course, was much younger. He was twenty-three and he had all the maturity of a man much older – a maturity that Lucius quite obviously lacked.

After such a long time as partners, they'd developed a familiarity that echoed that of an old married couple (although the two would never admit to it). They knew each others strengths and weaknesses and this was what made them the best detectives in all of the world.

Of course, their detective-specific magic didn't hurt either.

The two walked into an antique shop as Lucius read the information about the case out loud to Severus.

"Right, so the owner here – that's Mister Gold – got back to the shop after running down to Granny's Bed and Breakfast last night. When he came back, he found the glass shattered so he took his gun out of the cupboard to investigate. The Sheriff was already on the site – she had gotten the alert from his alarm system a minute after it went off. Together, the two scoped out the house and Gold determined that the only thing missing was a chipped tea cup."

"Was it valuable?"

"Only through sentimental value, apparently. Gold is quite distressed about this loss. The Sheriff – a Miss Emma Swan – can't work on this case because she's monitoring Gold. She's afraid he'll take drastic action unless this wrong is righted."

"So we find the crook, get the cup, and solve the case before Gold goes barmy?" Severus shrugged. "Right, no big deal. Let's go."

Lucius swung open the door to the shop and held it as Severus walked in. He followed his friend, taking off his gloves and stowing them in his pocket. The bell jingled and a blonde woman in a rainy blue coat standing by the counter turned around showing off the star-shaped Sheriff badge on her belt.

"Thanks for coming by, you guys. You're the best detectives around these parts."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," said Lucius with a smirk. "Miss Swan, I presume?"

The woman nodded. "Now, Mr. Gold is convinced he knows who the thief is – a flower salesman named Maurice French. I've got a warrant for his house, but we haven't found anything, although he has a motive. But to be honest, everyone in this town has a motive to steel from Mr. Gold."

"Sounds like a fantastic guy to know," said Severus wryly.

"I have my fair share of enemies." Severus and Lucius spun around to see a short man leaning on a cane. "I hold contracts with most of the folk in this town and when they break them, I take my dues. Naturally, some don't agree. I'm afraid Mr. French is one of those who disliked my methods."

"What happened?" asked Lucius as Severus flipped open a notebook and pulled out a pen.

"Maurice broke his deal with me. I had given him a loan, and he didn't pay back in time. As collateral, I took his truck. Admittedly, this prevents him from making the money to pay me back, but it was explicitly written in his contract."

"But why would he take the cup?" asked Severus as he scribbled away on the paper.

"It's the last memory he has of his daughter."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Then why do you have it?"

Mr. Gold turned away and began to walk away from the trio. "It's my last memory of her as well," he said quietly.

XX

Miss Swan escorted the duo back to their car. "Here's the warrant," she said, handing Lucius the document. "I suggest you check him out thoroughly. You really need to find that cup before Gold does something reckless. This isn't the first time he's been robbed. The crook last time didn't look very pretty."

"What did he do?" said Severus.

"That cane he's got? It makes a very good weapon."

Lucius cringed and stowed the papers in his pocket. "Nice to meet you, Miss Swan," he said, holding out a hand that she promptly shook with a smile.

"You too, Mister… Malfoy, correct?" Lucius nodded. "It's been a pleasure. I hope you can get me results soon. And, I'll have you know, I think you two make a very handsome couple."

Lucius's mouth dropped open and Severus's eyes widened in shock. "What?" he sputtered. "We're not… he's not my…"

The Sheriff smirked at the two and winked. "Don't worry, you two. Your secret is safe with me."

With that, she walked off leaving the two friends staring at the place she stood at a huge loss for words.

XX

"Seriously though, this is what… the fifth, sixth time we've gotten that?"

Lucius laughed. "You're putting to much stock in this. You know we're married to nice, respectable, _women_. I'd never leave Narcissa for you, and you sure as hell wouldn't leave Hermione for me so just ignore them all and we'll keep doing what we do best."

"Right, well… I suppose the locator spell would work like a charm?"

"Quite right."

"It's a troubling question though… why wouldn't Gold just cut French a break? I mean, if he was married to French's daughter like I suspect, you'd think he'd give his father-in-law some slack."

"Hell no," said Lucius. "Think about it, were you ever on really good terms with Hermione's father? I can say for sure I've never been on good terms with Narcissa's. Add that to the fact that there's been some tragedy around the girl… well, it'd be safe to assume that Gold and French have some horrible history."

"There's more to this than they're telling us."

"Obviously," said Lucius as he turned the car into the parking lot next to Granny's Bed and Breakfast. "Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?"

XX

In their room, Severus drew his wand out of his sleeve. Lucius rummaged through his trunk, pulling out three scrolls – one red covered in runes, one blank white, and one green covered in letters – and arranging them in a triangular pattern. He sprinkled a circle of salt around the scrolls and placed a porcelain glass of rose water in the center. Severus began to draw out a complicated pattern with his wand while muttering a spell in Latin.

The scrolls glowed and the black lines snaked across the white one, coalescing into a map of a house. An X appeared in the corner and, last, words snaked across the top. "The Residence of Mister Maurice French – 127 Providence Lane, Storybrooke".

Lucius smirked. "Looks like Gold's hunch was right but I wonder why Miss Swan couldn't find the cup. It seems to be out in the open."

"I suppose we'll find out soon enough," retorted Severus wryly. With a flick of his wand, the porcelain glass and the red and green scrolls rolled themselves up and hopped back into the trunk while the salt and rosewater vanished.

"Right, lets go."

XX

"Detectives Malfoy and Snape. Open up, Mister French. We have a warrant."

After about three minutes of knocking, the door eased open to reveal a slightly pudgy older man. "I… I suppose you're working for Gold?" he stammered. "I… come in, I suppose…"

The two men walked in and looked around the house. It had once been very nice but time and neglect and poverty had taken it's tool and the once magnificent house was a ghost of it's former self. Running a gloved finger down a table with a single rose on it, Lucius blanched at the dust.

"Could you leave us, please? We'd like to look around without you to interfere. Please stay here." Severus looked sternly at Mr. French, who appeared ready to argue. "Thank you."

As soon as they were out of French's line of sight, Severus pulled out the map. "He didn't move the cup when we arrived, so he must be confident in it's security," said Lucius. "Let's go get it."

Severus nodded and started down the hall, his pea coat billowing behind him, and turned a left the very end into a fancy room. "In here."

The room was completely barren, the walls, floor, and ceiling made of mahogany, except for a single picture hanging on the wall – a picture of a brunette girl in a blue and white dress. Unlike the other rooms in the house, this one had been carefully dusted.

"It's in the floorboards, I suppose," said Severus.

Lucius flicked out his wand. "_Accio Mr. Gold's chipped tea cup_." Severus smirked at his specific choice in words. "What?" retorted Lucius as a floorboard lifted up and the cup flew into his hands. "It doesn't hurt to be specific. And looking at how clean this man is, I wouldn't be surprised if every glass he owned was chipped. I don't fancy getting attacked by tea cups today, thank you very much."

Severus snorted at Lucius and turned to walk out the room, stopping when he saw Mr. French in the doorway with a bat poised to knock out his partner. "Duck!" he shouted, and Lucius dropped to the ground with the cup cradled in his hands just as French swung the bat. In less than a second, Severus was by his side, pulling his hands into cuffs.

"Attacking a detective is a crime, Mister French," he said harshly. "And attacking my friend is a foolish thing to do. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you."

Lucius stood up gracefully and brushed off his clothes. "Well," he said, holding up the cup. "Nice to know that's taken care of.

XX

"You know, I'm still curious about what exactly happened between French and Gold," said Lucius that night as they were driving away. "I mean, I've heard of hatred between father-in-law and son-in-law, but that's a bit excessive and all over a silly little chipped tea cup."

Severus sighed from his spot in the passengers seat and turned to face his friend, the light of the moon illuminating his face slightly. "I'm curious too, but I suppose there are some mysteries that even we can't know the answer to."

**XX**

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